I would discard this post if you feel reading ramblings a waste of time and would prefer to read the day to day adventure. This is a post of something learnt. Something I think is important in making sense of the distance, the act and the currents experienced. Probably best read with a something that makes you feel nebulous
There’s a certain loneliness to running. Be it road or mountain, every step is yours. Every view, sensation & thought are yours and yours alone and to expect others to understand is like explaining to someone a colour without a frame of reference. I typically run trails. I head off on routes that are less used to get a sense of what a place is really about. To get a sense of what I’m about.
Here’s the learning…
The mountains and trails are kind. Nature is kind. She provides you with distractions a plenty, typically when you need them the most. The road has no such remorse. It seems to provide little solice, little respite and gives a sense of the relentless march of man to make progress. The view at either side changes so subtly. Blink and you’ll miss it. Occasionally there is respite. Respite provided by nature. The road has no room for such sentiments. The road is where you truly learn who you ar and what you are made of. In the mountains, there are many places to hide. Many places to shift your attention to. Many places to avoid confronting those thoughts that you hide away.
Head to the mountains for solice. Head to the road for learning of a different kind.
In reality, I’m enjoying the running. The effort. The burning in my legs. The ache of the hips. The heaviness of limbs. The cold on my hands. I’m discovering a few truths about myself. My ability to whittle and moan when the need to do so isn’t there. My ability to torture myself with ideas of resting early, with decisions I should have made with the hindsight of new information, the places I should have stopped for food or rest.
All the while I tell myself that these actions, these words are pointless. You have been in more pain, lower in energy and far colder. So what is this need to speak out about the most insignificant of things?
Simple… Acknowledgment. Acknowledgement of a pain, tiredness, hunger. I am not a martyr to a cause. I’m simply experiencing what it is to run free. Any provisos, any rules, any restrictions are there by my creation and not that of any other. I am my own god, demon and master, but with this thought the ‘I’ sceases to exist.
What we call ’I’ is just a swinging door, which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. The world has its own magic (Shinryu Suzuki).
These thoughts aren’t quite fully formed and a bit nebulous for some, but they’ve bounced backwards and forwards in my mind over the last few days and in sharing, acknowledgment is achieved.
I always felt road running was ridiculous. Why would you run on road when you have trail? I have said ‘in the mountains and on the trail there is no place to hide’ but as I travel I discover there is. I’m sure I’ll find places to hide on the long road ahead but for now, the road is exposing. Laying bare for me to see and learn…