The phrase ‘Pursuing the void’ was a good set of words when I first set up this blog page. It was set up to give me an outlet, someway to note down the thoughts and feelings that I wasn’t able to make sense of and put things into context. I’ve realised before that transferring the demons and gods that rule us into print reduces their hold on me, but I realised that I didn’t understand this concept of the void.
Literal meaning of void, as defined but the Oxford dictionary is:
- Not valid or legally binding
- Completely emtpy
- To be free from; lacking
The truth is that with nebulous statements like ‘pursuing the void’ we create our own meaning, based on our own emotional, social and historical references. I’m realising something about this idea of a void.
I’m not seeking the emptiness of zen (a bit of an oxymoron as I understand it since you are not meant to empty, but ready to allow thoughts to flow as they would in a river) but I’m relishing a different void…
“I have no idea what is going to happen once I arrive in Norway. That’s the truth of it. Questions float around with no actual defined answer, as though they are being cast in the direction of a hungry information sponge. The whats, hows, wheres and whens don’t seem to have any meaning since the genuine truthful answer is I don’t know.
I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, deep and able to absorb any and all light I try to shine into it, hiding everything and anything that is beyond my immediate vision. I can taste fear, apprehension, anxiety and an odd sense of loss.
But amongst all these, acting like a sweet syrup that binds the ingredients of a wondrous gastronomic delight, there is the taste of curiosity. I can sense the void and I want to see beyond its even horizon and be aware of what I am experiencing.”
I guess what I realised when I wrote those words, was that I was petrified of my own curiosity, but like an addict I find myself drawn towards it time after time, catalysed by even the slightest hint that I may not be able to complete what I’ve set out to do.
Fear of failure is the biggest driving force we have and maybe curiosity as to the outcome is the way to realise its strength.
Thanks for reading these ramblings… They are just the words of someone trying to make sense of need to jump into the unknown without the romantic attachment to the image of an adventurer.
Have an awesome day 😀