I appear to be in a rut as it were.
I’m back at work, living the same as many other people on this planet, spending the majority of my time indoors. To make matters worse, I have stupidly made a minor injury worse, stopping me getting outside and doing what I enjoy the most.
I can’t help think about the Summer’s adventure and how free I felt. It wasn’t the easiest of times or the most comfortable, but there was a sublime beauty to the simplistic way of life I experienced. The frustration of being stuck in what feels an artificial way to live is overwhelming at times, and reminiscing seems to be one way to cope.
However, I am aware of being stuck in the past. Summer is over, the adventure is done and like other parts of life I have to move forwards, or I will be trapped in a loop that is likely to lead to some self made depression. So what on Earth would suddenly trigger the writing of this post?
An article about the Summer adventure by Ordnance Survey, has made me think about what it is that I’m doing with my life. I have gone from creating the mental image of what my life should be like, to losing it through no ones fault by my own choices, and now I feel like time is passing me by.
This is likely normal. A response to the change in my day to day environment and the inevitable ‘come down’ from the high of the Summer. So what’s the challenge here? Am I battling some inner demons or am I in some dark place of my own creation?
Well actually, no. I don’t believe we have demons, or dark places. They are a response to our current situation and environment and come about as a result of dwelling on the past and being overly concerned with the future. The past is the only reason the Summer adventure happened, I acknowledged the selfishness of my past decisions and the stupidity of some of my choices, so why am I moaning?
I’m moaning and being pensive because of myself. I’m the person who caused my current injury, I’m the person who is not being organised or motivated enough to get future adventures moving forwards, and I’m the person who has withdrawn from others.
So, its time to stop ruminating and carryout the change I know I need to. I’ve said it before and need to remember my own words…
“There are no demons, no gods and no masters”
We make out own decisions and our actions are a result of them.