There’s nothing special in this post. It is just a way to externalise something that is very slowly chipping away at my resolve, and maybe by externalising it I can start to redirect it. So, feel free to stop reading. These are just the words of someone feeling sorry for themselves and trying to stop the self pity.
Here’s the problem with these ponderations. I’m not running as often as I was.
The drive to get out seems to have been misplaced and I feel an old mental state returning. I have been aware of it for a while and instead of acknowledgement I have sought distractions. Just getting out and running doesn’t seem to be good enough, but I’m not actually going out to run! So is the mood a result of not running or is the not running a result of the mood?
In truth I have no idea, but I think my current lost mojo and mood comes from a few places. Discussions with an old friend about the past, the inevitable come down from a summer of experiencing freedom in a way I didn’t think existed and the remains of poor past choices.
“Why do I run?” is an important questions in dealing with the current low. I am not myself, and I know I run to return to myself and let the grime of modern living fall away, but how does one find their mojo when it has been misplaced?
I don’t know the answer and I’m a bit lost as to where to find the answer. Maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should stop looking to the past, screw the future and go back to living one moment at a time.
And there it is…..
I knew there was a reason to writing nonsense like this, and having those conversations with yourself that you can’t have with others, whether there are no others or they are not the people you’d like to speak to.
I run to help me find that feeling of living one moment at a time. In fact I run to return to the present and stop worrying about the future or dwell on the negatives of the past. It’s time to start climbing out again.
So why do you run?